Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by airline pilots (P)
and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers (M)

P:Mouse in cockpit
M:cat installed

P:Left inside tires almost needs replacement
M:Almost replaced left inside main tire

P:Something loose in cockpit
M:Something tightened in cockpit

PME volume unbelievably loud
MME volume set to more believable level

P:Friction locks cause throttle levels to stick
M:That's what they're for

P:Suspected crack in windshield
M:Suspect you're right

P:Aircraft handles funny
M:Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P:Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
M:Took hammer away from midget.