--You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
--You can live without sex, but not without glasses.
--Your back goes out more than you do.
--You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
--You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
--You are proud of your lawn mower.
--Your best friend is dating someone half their age... And isn't breaking any laws.
--Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
--You sing along with the elevator music.
--You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
--You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
--You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
--You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
--You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
--People call at 9 pm. And ask, "Did I wake you?"
--You answer a question with "Because I said so!"
--You send money to PBS.
--The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
--You take a metal detector to the beach.
--You wear black socks with sandals.
--You know what the word equity means.
--You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
--Your ears are hairier than your head.
--You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
--You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
--You got cable for the weather channel.
--You can go bowling without drinking.
--You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it