> Date: Thursday, December 18, 2008, 12:52 PM
> After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on
> her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately,
> like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get
> in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most
> women - she loved to browse.
>
> Yesterday my dear wife received the
> following letter from
> the local Wal-Mart:
>
>
>
> Dear Mrs. xxxxxx,
>
> Over the past six months, your
> husband has been causing
> quite a commotion in our store. We
> cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
> both of you from the store.. Our complaints against Mr.
> xxxxxx are listed below and are documented by our video
> surveillance cameras.
>
> 1.June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms
> and randomly put them in
> people's carts when they
> weren't looking.
>
> 2.July 2: Set all the alarm clocks
> in Housewares to go off
> at 5-minute intervals.
>
> 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato
> juice on the floor leading
> to the women's restroom.
>
> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee
> and told her in an
> official voice, 'Code 3 in
> Housewares. Get on it right away.'
>
> 5. August 4: Went to the Service
> Desk and tried to put a bag
> of M&M's on layaway.
>
> 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION -
> WET FLOOR' sign to a
> carpeted area.
>
> 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the
> camping department and
> told other shoppers he'd invite
> them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the
> bedding department.
>
> 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if
> they could help him he
> began crying and screamed, 'Why
> can't you people just leave me alone?'
>
> 9. September 4: Looked right into
> the security camera and
> used it as a mirror while he picked
> his nose.
>
> 10. September 10: While handling guns
> in the hunting
> department, he asked the clerk where
> the antidepressants were.
>
> 11.October 3: Darted around the
> store suspiciously while
> loudly humming the ' Mission
> Impossible' theme.
>
> 12. October 6: In the auto
> department, he practiced his
> 'Madonna look' by using
> different sizes of funnels.
>
> 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing
> rack and when people
> browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME!
> PICK ME!'
>
>
> 14. October 21: When an announcement
> came over the loud
> speaker, he assumed a fetal position
> and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
> And last, but not least ..
>
> 15. October 23: Went into a fitting
> room, shut the door,
> waited awhile, and then yelled very
> loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'[88]