Men are like.....Place mats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.

Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.

Men are like.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Men are like.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Men are like.....Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Men are like.....Curling irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

Men are like.....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

Now the other side of the coin,

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be open by the time she brings it.

Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Q: How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: Don't bother. There's a clock on the oven!

Q: Why do men pass gas more than women?
A: Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

Q: Why were shopping carts invented?
A: To teach women to walk on their hind legs.

Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you're
going to want to shoot it.

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of least he'll shut up after you let him in.

All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can
tell them apart.

Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A: A woman that won't do what she's told.

Q: How many women does it take to paint a wall?
A: It depends on how hard you throw them.

Q: What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I'm not allowed to interrupt her.

Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced. [}]